He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
