I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
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