you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
