I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
