if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
