An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
