Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
