State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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