So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
