It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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