You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
