Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
