yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
