I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
