dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
