You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
