Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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