as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
