no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
