I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
