The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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