two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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