You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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