Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
