1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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