he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
