the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
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Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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