i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
