I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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