Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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