I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
