She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
