She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
