he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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