eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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