My girlfriend figured out who you are.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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