Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
