"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
