If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
