if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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