Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
