Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
