remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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