onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
