four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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