That's intense
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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