hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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