i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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