My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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