i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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