I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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