I just pynch a tree in the face
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
