i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
