We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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