Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
