you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
