I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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he quoted the bible to break up with me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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