so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
