My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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