My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
