Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
