she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
