i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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