Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
