Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
