eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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