sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
