I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
well you can't waste a boner
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
